Clare Wise

A new design and almost a new me

Sorry it has taken me so long to update but I am a computer idiot and so had to be retrained in how to use my website. As Homer Simpson would say ‘Duhh”.

Anyway everything is almost ticketyboo. If it weren’t for the cancer I would be really well. I feel pretty good – have a new trendy pixie hair cut (courtesy of my sis in law) and have managed to make it through another birthday – 51 is such an ugly number – a horrid prime that is neither attractive nor useful. All it means is that I have made it into my 50s so I guess I should be grateful for small mercies.

I am now in a regular cycle of 2 weeks oral chemo and a week off and am about to start my 8th round. No idea how long this will all last – I guess until my body gets too used to it all. I am pretty mobile but hate the cold damp English Autumn weather. When people say they feel the cold in their bones I now fully understand the saying. My bones feel cold and that doesn’t seem to go away no matter how much I heat my flat. In an ideal world I would be a winter bird – flying off to warmer climes the moment the temperature wavered around single digits and arrive back here in time for the beautiful late Spring.

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new fab design

Karen McDonald and Grant Lee very kindly brought me into the 21st century by creating this new website for me. Its something I have been meaning to do for ages (like sorting out my filing…Greg!, and learning Hindi and writing a book) but here’s to a new start…onwards and upwards.


Went to the Royal Neurological Hospital yesterday to meet with an onco-neurologist, ostensibly to talk about my skull tumours and fractures in my spine. Thank goodness Greg was with me, otherwise I would have thought it was a bad comedy show and would have been looking for the hidden camera.

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Accentuate the positive

laughterA miilion years ago (figure of speech of couse as this is not an anthropological posting) Rose gave me a mixed tape. It was very much something we all did – if there was a boy you fancied you might do him one, or vice versa and each song always ended with the familiar clunk of the pause button on an old tape recorder. But they were very special. On one such tape Rose chose the Bing Crosby version of ‘Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative’ with the Andrew Sisters as Bing’s backing group. The song has been covered hundreds of times by popstars – most recently I gather by Paul McCartney. Anyway if you you tube the Bing version – there’s a very dodgy clip from the film “Here Comes the Waves’ where Bing is blacked up to sing it….that reminds me of when I introduced my Rwandan nephew to the fact that we were brought up watching Saturday night TV which included The Black and White Minstrels show…we thought it was normal for white men to black up to sing jazz songs! I can’t believe that this still happened in the 1970s in Britain. My nephew was both appalled and amused by clips on you tube from that show.

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What the oncologist said

My bones are looking a lot better – although the CT scan is very difficult to interpret as most of my tumours were ‘lytic lesions’ (holy…not God fearing but like Emmenthal cheese) which means that the bone looks like it has been eaten away. The chemo has made them sclerotic which means denser. They are easier to see and much less painful.

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Brain scan

brainI hadn’t really thought about my skull but as it is mostly bone I guess it is inevitable that there would be tumours there as well. And guess what … There are!

on Monday 5th October, I was called in for a brain MRI. There are some word combinations that excite you…’upgrade to first class’, ‘sunny and warm’ etc and some that are horrid combos…’spinal surgery’ – already mentioned to me a few times and ‘brain scan’…yikes.

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Bones like lace

bones-like-laceso what is secondary bone cancer…well apparently I still have breast cancer (primary) but i now have bone metasteses (secondary cancer)…. A lot of bloody tumours in the bones basically. The cancer moves through blood or lymph nodes into the bones. Bones are constantly growing and shrinking…osteoclasts grow new cells and structures and osteoblasts keep them in check so that they don’t grow too much or fracture if the casts don’t meet them. As I understand it the tumours confuse the blasts and casts and they stop doing their jobs, lay down tools and pathological fractures occur. They also make the bones lacey, hence the orthopods wanting to fix more metal to my fraying bones.

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12 inches

12One of the advantages of not having surgery on the 3rd…apart from being able to eat and not being in hospital, was that I could spend time with my friend Sabrina who had just arrived from LA. She had invited me on another yacht to cruise around the Amalfi coast and when she heard that I was in danger of fracturing – she spent a long time fantasising about getting me a Michelin suit or lots of cushions where I could lay prone on the deck. In the end she decided on getting an avatar – a vintage Barbie with red hair, so she became BC (Barbie Clare) and I could have my holiday vicariously through her. This is a photo of us just after I came out of hospital. BC is the smaller of the two titian haired dolls…if you want to see what she/I got up to on holiday look at her website

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Dem bones, dem bones

bones‘Rotator cuff syndrome is very common in breast cancer patients’ was all I had heard for months..but how about this – which is on every website about breast cancer metastasis – ‘In over 70% of breast cancer patients whose cancer returns it is in the bones’….WHAT…yet none of the Drs, specialists etc that I had seen seemed to know this…

Anyway back to day of diagnosis – Tuesday 23rd June. ‘Clare you have incurable bone cancer’…WTF I think is what the modern kids say…After trying to digest this information I am given a list of immediate tasks:

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It’s back!

jackLike Jack in The Shining, the cancer is back…can you believe it.

I really thought I had passed cancer with flying colours…well almost. Apart from the toxic poisioning and losing a quarter of my breast I really thought I had done it well and stylishly. Like I knew….!

I have been critical of the after care in the NHS. I quite literally finished January 2014 and up until a few weeks ago I wasn’t tested, did not get into any machines and the only examinations I had were of my left breast and under my armpits with all the medics being uber confident that they had nailed this….hmmm.

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